Both Sides of an Issue

　　Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.

　　In seeking truth you have to get both sides of a story.

　　- Walter Cronkite

　　Assignment: Do you agree with Walter Cronkite that its necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the truth? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations).

　　習作修改

　　學生習作(第一段) 語言修改 People often focus mostly on the advantageous side when they make a decision. Thus they often neglect the other side of the decision, which may lead to an unpleasant end. My family was also not able to avoid this kind of regrettable experience. From that failure, we should see both sides of an issue. Most often when people make a decision they focus on the advantages. Thus they often neglect the other side of the decision, which may lead to an unpleasant end. My family was also not able to avoid this kind of regrettable experience. From that failure, we should see both sides of an issue.

　　本段評點

　　許多學生過多地使用了therefore和thus. 這樣的詞是用來得出結論的。很多人只看有利的一面而忽視不利的一面這句話中用而或者并且連接兩個分句，而不可以使用 therefore, thus, as a result 等表達。這樣導致問題這兩個方面的邏輯關系混亂，其實并不是因為人們只看有利面而導致忽視不利一面這個結果。

　　學生習作(第二段)

　　語言修改

　　My family used to live in a village, but my parents went to urban to work and I to study. It was a long distance, so we had to spend an average of 3.5 hours in our car everyday. We had to get up early to set out and return home late at night. Moreover, we could not watch TV together, but be together in the car, feeling sleepy. Of course, we were unwilling to accept the situation and we thought of moving to the urban area to save our time and to live a more convenient life. So we did, half a year ago.

　　My family used to live in a village, but my parents moved to the city to work and I to study. It was a long distance to travel to the city every day with an average of 3.5 hours spent in our car.We had to get up early to set out and return home late at night. Unlike other families that watch TV or have other fun together, we spent hours in a car, which was boring and even painful. Of course, this situation was unacceptable to us so we thought of moving to the city to save time and make our lives more convenient.. So we did, half a year ago.

　　本段評點

　　文章這個例子的敘述過于細節化，顯得有些瑣碎，這也導致這個例子用了三段來敘述，占了大量的篇幅和寫作時間，使得作者可能無法再寫個例子。另外，這段中的句式也缺少變化，例如大部分句子都是We再加上一個謂語這樣的結構。

　　學生習作(第三段)

　　語言修改

　　Before we made up our minds, we did investigated what trouble we would face. We were optimist to conclude that there was only one thing, the higher cost of living, which we could set aside by less using the car. We also predicted that we could gain profits such as a lot of time we used to spend on highways, convenient life, etc.

　　Before we made up our minds, we investigated what troubles we may face. We were optimistic that the only obstacle was the higher cost of living which we could offset by using the car less. We also concluded we would gain a lot in terms of less time spent on the road, more convenient lifestyle, etc.

　　本段評點

　　這段第一句提到在我們做決定之前確實調查了搬遷后可能面臨的困難，這與第一段的論點出現了一些抵觸。第一段說作者是想用自己親身的這個例子說明做決定不應該忽視消極的一面，而這里作者又說并未忽視呀!這使得這個例子不那么有說服力了。

　　學生習作(第四段)

　　語言修改

　　However we estimated the conclusion with too much confidence, and it was proved that moving to the city was a disaster. There is too much tail gas released from automobiles, which made us cough. The nights are so bright and noisy that we cannot sleep well. Thus, although we get more sleep time, we are even sleepier at study or work.

　　However, we were overconfident and the move to the city proved a disaster. In the city there is a lot of gas exhaust from cars, which made us cough. The nights were so bright and noisy that we could not sleep well. Thus, although we had more time to sleep at night, we were even more tired.

　　本段評點

　　這個簡單的故事其實用一段話就全部寫完了，不用分成三段。它作為一篇文章中幾個例子中的一個是可以的，但是如果作為唯一的例子，難以全面深刻地探討作文的題目。從而導致讀者感覺文章的論證不充分，那么論點也就不堪一擊了。

　　其次，這段作者說從農村搬到城市后覺得城市disaster的原因是空氣污染和晚上睡不好覺。把空氣污染作為理由是可以接受的，但說城市喧囂每天晚上睡不好覺也有點牽強，除非作者是住在酒吧里或睡在夜總會，否則應該沒那么嚴重。

　　學生習作(第五段)

　　語言修改

　　Every coin has two sides. We only noticed the positive side but lost the negative side, so we did not conclude the truth. The wrong decision was a lesson from which we learned that it is necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the new truth. Now we are considering to moving back to the rural area, but this time, we will make a complete study before we carry it out.

　　We only focused on the positive side and not the negative so our conclusion was not accurate. The wrong decision was a lesson from which we learned that it is necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the new truth. We are now considering to move back to the village but this time we will do a thorough investigation before making our decision.

　　本段評點

　　與前面的習作一樣，最后一段簡單重復第一段的意思，甚至do a thorough investigation 這樣的用詞也是從第一段照抄到最后一段，這樣寫結尾段的方法是絕對應該避免的。

　　習作總評

　　全文只用一個故事來支持自己的觀點，故事講的是自己家里住在農村，要到城市里去上學，每天很辛苦，大量的時間都浪費在了路上，于是考慮搬到城市里去住，因為考慮不周，后來發現住在城市里更不劃算，原因是城市污染嚴重，每天吸入大量的汽車尾氣，而且城市太喧囂，晚上睡不好，最后得出結論，做任何事情都要從兩方面來考慮問題。這個故事當然也支持了作者的觀點，但是有點牽強。首先故事講得并不精彩，缺少亮點，不能吸引人們的注意力。總之，這個故事有點牽強。

　　其實的確像文中所講，任何事情都有兩面，無論住在農村還是住在城市都有各自的優、缺點。比如說住在城市除了空氣污染之外，還有物價高，租房貴，不安全，太擁擠等很多缺點，作者寫什么理由都可以，文中把城市喧囂晚上睡不好覺作為理由也勉強說得過去，但是能說一個更合理的理由效果會更好。

　　這篇文章在論證方面需要改進，首先應該至少再舉出一個能夠說明自己論點的例子，甚至于把這個例子也換掉。這也說明作者在平時復習的時候沒有注意積累能夠說明問題的例子。另外，在行文上應該避免平鋪直敘，像記流水賬一樣。

　　這里應該用moved表示作者父母工作地點和他自己學習地點的變化，所以引發了新問題。Move有搬遷的意思，而went不能體現這種意思。

　　改后句子用了a long distance to travelwithspent把原來的兩個句子合并成了一個句子，這樣使得句子更簡潔而且意思明確。在句子中不一定非要用復合句，可以考慮用介詞和動詞的非謂語形式代替。

　　這兩句話有明顯的因果關系應該用so而不是and連接。另外，這句話的前半句用situation做主語比用we做主語更像是地道的英語，因為中國的英語學習者總是習慣用人做主語，而英語并不總是這樣，有時應該換個角度去用事物做主語。

　　Optimist是名詞指人，這里應該用個形容詞optimistic.另外，這句中的one thing意思太寬泛、不準確，應選用一個意思更加精準的詞obstacle.

　　這里用may更合適，表示可能遇到的困難，或遇到困難的可能性，因為此時作者及其家人并不知道會遇到什么困難。

　　In terms of sth.表示從這個方面或角度來說某件事情，例如，In terms of entertainment, movies are still more interesting than TV. But in terms of value, DVDs are more economical than going to the cinema.

　　Prove這個詞本身就有證實是，被證明是的意思，不必非用被動語態。

　　汽車尾氣的地道說法是gas exhaust，英文沒有tail gas的說法。

　　Notice的意思是通過視、聽等感官對某事有所理會，用在這里是不合適的。Focus on是指對某事進行特別的關注。另外，這句話的后半句如前所述還是沒有必要用人做主語，用conclusion做主語更地道。

　　Study表示研究的意味更濃一些，用investigation表達進行深入的思考或考察更合適。

　　Both Sides of an Issue

　　Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.

　　In seeking truth you have to get both sides of a story.

　　- Walter Cronkite

　　Assignment: Do you agree with Walter Cronkite that its necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the truth? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations).

　　習作修改

　　學生習作(第一段) 語言修改 People often focus mostly on the advantageous side when they make a decision. Thus they often neglect the other side of the decision, which may lead to an unpleasant end. My family was also not able to avoid this kind of regrettable experience. From that failure, we should see both sides of an issue. Most often when people make a decision they focus on the advantages. Thus they often neglect the other side of the decision, which may lead to an unpleasant end. My family was also not able to avoid this kind of regrettable experience. From that failure, we should see both sides of an issue.

　　本段評點

　　許多學生過多地使用了therefore和thus. 這樣的詞是用來得出結論的。很多人只看有利的一面而忽視不利的一面這句話中用而或者并且連接兩個分句，而不可以使用 therefore, thus, as a result 等表達。這樣導致問題這兩個方面的邏輯關系混亂，其實并不是因為人們只看有利面而導致忽視不利一面這個結果。

　　學生習作(第二段)

　　語言修改

　　My family used to live in a village, but my parents went to urban to work and I to study. It was a long distance, so we had to spend an average of 3.5 hours in our car everyday. We had to get up early to set out and return home late at night. Moreover, we could not watch TV together, but be together in the car, feeling sleepy. Of course, we were unwilling to accept the situation and we thought of moving to the urban area to save our time and to live a more convenient life. So we did, half a year ago.

　　My family used to live in a village, but my parents moved to the city to work and I to study. It was a long distance to travel to the city every day with an average of 3.5 hours spent in our car.We had to get up early to set out and return home late at night. Unlike other families that watch TV or have other fun together, we spent hours in a car, which was boring and even painful. Of course, this situation was unacceptable to us so we thought of moving to the city to save time and make our lives more convenient.. So we did, half a year ago.

　　本段評點

　　文章這個例子的敘述過于細節化，顯得有些瑣碎，這也導致這個例子用了三段來敘述，占了大量的篇幅和寫作時間，使得作者可能無法再寫個例子。另外，這段中的句式也缺少變化，例如大部分句子都是We再加上一個謂語這樣的結構。

　　學生習作(第三段)

　　語言修改

　　Before we made up our minds, we did investigated what trouble we would face. We were optimist to conclude that there was only one thing, the higher cost of living, which we could set aside by less using the car. We also predicted that we could gain profits such as a lot of time we used to spend on highways, convenient life, etc.

　　Before we made up our minds, we investigated what troubles we may face. We were optimistic that the only obstacle was the higher cost of living which we could offset by using the car less. We also concluded we would gain a lot in terms of less time spent on the road, more convenient lifestyle, etc.

　　本段評點

　　這段第一句提到在我們做決定之前確實調查了搬遷后可能面臨的困難，這與第一段的論點出現了一些抵觸。第一段說作者是想用自己親身的這個例子說明做決定不應該忽視消極的一面，而這里作者又說并未忽視呀!這使得這個例子不那么有說服力了。

　　學生習作(第四段)

　　語言修改

　　However we estimated the conclusion with too much confidence, and it was proved that moving to the city was a disaster. There is too much tail gas released from automobiles, which made us cough. The nights are so bright and noisy that we cannot sleep well. Thus, although we get more sleep time, we are even sleepier at study or work.

　　However, we were overconfident and the move to the city proved a disaster. In the city there is a lot of gas exhaust from cars, which made us cough. The nights were so bright and noisy that we could not sleep well. Thus, although we had more time to sleep at night, we were even more tired.

　　本段評點

　　這個簡單的故事其實用一段話就全部寫完了，不用分成三段。它作為一篇文章中幾個例子中的一個是可以的，但是如果作為唯一的例子，難以全面深刻地探討作文的題目。從而導致讀者感覺文章的論證不充分，那么論點也就不堪一擊了。

　　其次，這段作者說從農村搬到城市后覺得城市disaster的原因是空氣污染和晚上睡不好覺。把空氣污染作為理由是可以接受的，但說城市喧囂每天晚上睡不好覺也有點牽強，除非作者是住在酒吧里或睡在夜總會，否則應該沒那么嚴重。

　　學生習作(第五段)

　　語言修改

　　Every coin has two sides. We only noticed the positive side but lost the negative side, so we did not conclude the truth. The wrong decision was a lesson from which we learned that it is necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the new truth. Now we are considering to moving back to the rural area, but this time, we will make a complete study before we carry it out.

　　We only focused on the positive side and not the negative so our conclusion was not accurate. The wrong decision was a lesson from which we learned that it is necessary to see both sides of an issue in order to discover the new truth. We are now considering to move back to the village but this time we will do a thorough investigation before making our decision.

　　本段評點

　　與前面的習作一樣，最后一段簡單重復第一段的意思，甚至do a thorough investigation 這樣的用詞也是從第一段照抄到最后一段，這樣寫結尾段的方法是絕對應該避免的。

　　習作總評

　　全文只用一個故事來支持自己的觀點，故事講的是自己家里住在農村，要到城市里去上學，每天很辛苦，大量的時間都浪費在了路上，于是考慮搬到城市里去住，因為考慮不周，后來發現住在城市里更不劃算，原因是城市污染嚴重，每天吸入大量的汽車尾氣，而且城市太喧囂，晚上睡不好，最后得出結論，做任何事情都要從兩方面來考慮問題。這個故事當然也支持了作者的觀點，但是有點牽強。首先故事講得并不精彩，缺少亮點，不能吸引人們的注意力。總之，這個故事有點牽強。

　　其實的確像文中所講，任何事情都有兩面，無論住在農村還是住在城市都有各自的優、缺點。比如說住在城市除了空氣污染之外，還有物價高，租房貴，不安全，太擁擠等很多缺點，作者寫什么理由都可以，文中把城市喧囂晚上睡不好覺作為理由也勉強說得過去，但是能說一個更合理的理由效果會更好。

　　這篇文章在論證方面需要改進，首先應該至少再舉出一個能夠說明自己論點的例子，甚至于把這個例子也換掉。這也說明作者在平時復習的時候沒有注意積累能夠說明問題的例子。另外，在行文上應該避免平鋪直敘，像記流水賬一樣。

　　這里應該用moved表示作者父母工作地點和他自己學習地點的變化，所以引發了新問題。Move有搬遷的意思，而went不能體現這種意思。

　　改后句子用了a long distance to travelwithspent把原來的兩個句子合并成了一個句子，這樣使得句子更簡潔而且意思明確。在句子中不一定非要用復合句，可以考慮用介詞和動詞的非謂語形式代替。

　　這兩句話有明顯的因果關系應該用so而不是and連接。另外，這句話的前半句用situation做主語比用we做主語更像是地道的英語，因為中國的英語學習者總是習慣用人做主語，而英語并不總是這樣，有時應該換個角度去用事物做主語。

　　Optimist是名詞指人，這里應該用個形容詞optimistic.另外，這句中的one thing意思太寬泛、不準確，應選用一個意思更加精準的詞obstacle.

　　這里用may更合適，表示可能遇到的困難，或遇到困難的可能性，因為此時作者及其家人并不知道會遇到什么困難。

　　In terms of sth.表示從這個方面或角度來說某件事情，例如，In terms of entertainment, movies are still more interesting than TV. But in terms of value, DVDs are more economical than going to the cinema.

　　Prove這個詞本身就有證實是，被證明是的意思，不必非用被動語態。

　　汽車尾氣的地道說法是gas exhaust，英文沒有tail gas的說法。

　　Notice的意思是通過視、聽等感官對某事有所理會，用在這里是不合適的。Focus on是指對某事進行特別的關注。另外，這句話的后半句如前所述還是沒有必要用人做主語，用conclusion做主語更地道。

　　Study表示研究的意味更濃一些，用investigation表達進行深入的思考或考察更合適。